<%-- Page Title--%> Reflections <%-- End Page Title--%>

<%-- Volume Number --%> Vol 1 Num 107 <%-- End Volume Number --%>

May 30, 2003

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Irritating Habits…

Srabonti Narmeen Ali

How to Make Yourself One of the 10 Most Annoying People
The Mint Foot Eater
In order to achieve this label, one will have to ensure that they always manage to put their foot squarely in the mouth. This requires an immeasurable degree of tactlessness. Always make sure you say the wrong thing to the wrong person. Make sure that there are other people around to witness your faux pas, so that the gathering that you are at will inevitably be punctured by awkward silences. And please, KEEP TALKING, because the less you say, the less chance you will have of shoving your mint tasting foot in your mouth.
The Relentless Talker
In order to be a successful relentless talker, one must remember that, when a person asks you how you are, it automatically means that you must divulge your entire personal life history. Topics can range from scary places in your body that you have found boils, to how heartbroken you are that your ex has left you for your best friend. Spare no details. Keep a look-out and be on the prowl for victims who are destined to hear you talk for hours on end without even pausing to take a breath. Approximate talking time per person: one-hour minimum, non-stop, without interruption.
The Unpredictable Tantrum-er
The qualification for this person is simple: please have no control over your temper whatsoever. Cause Scenes, get angry, shout abuses… in fact throw things and break things. These are all integral things to do in order to win this title. Not much to it, really. Once in a while, punch or slap people to prove a point.
The Poser
Every crowd must inevitably have a person who fits this description. As a poser, remember that you have full power and authority to make up complete lies about yourself Remember, never let a camera catch you in a candid position. You must always be on the guard and be completely obsessed with (and therefore living your life according to) what other people think of you. It is integral that you sit with the so-called most important people all the time, resulting in everyone thinking you are important too. Remember, if you cannot pose, you cannot live.
The Obnoxious Factor
This person's job is basically to make sure that everyone present is insulted and torn to bits. Leave no holds barred in this, make sure you dig deep and find the most horrible and personal thing you can find about someone (usually family, or physical appearance are favourites), and let it rip. It's always a pleasure to have someone around to ruin someone else's day. Make sure you get as rude and obnoxious as you want!
The Insufferable Know-It-All
It is integral for this person to always put their two cents in and make everyone else feel like an idiot for not knowing everything. Look down on quieter people who don't say much because they obviously do not know any better. Make sure that you always have the answer to everything, and give your opinion when it is not needed. After all, nobody knows more about everything than you.
The Nosy Parker
For this position one must always keep their eyes and ears peeled for new gossip. Remember, everybody's business is your business. As a result, you have every God-given right to comment on everything and give people unwanted advice. It is important that you have good prying skills.
The Martyr
The WHOLE WORLD IS AGAINST YOU! (That's all you need to know). Act accordingly. Recommended: Whiny, nasal voice. Don't forget to feel sorry for yourself and let the whole world know. Remember: everything is about you. You are the victim.
The Drama Queen/King
This person has a hard job. They basically have to treat every day and every encounter as if they were in a Hindi movie, lots of tears, shouting, irrational loves and hates-- the works! Please make every little issue into a national debate. Popular methods are hypochondria, moodiness, and random flare-ups for no good reason. Your flair for drama is the key--let it go haywire!
The Judgmental Look-Down-Uponer
This is a key position to be in when you consider yourself better and superior to other people. Remember, everyone should be criticised because you, of course, are perfect, and therefore have the right to tell everyone how shabbily they are handling their every day lives in comparison to you. Bring up topics such as how religious one should be, what they are wearing, how they talk, how they eat, how fat they have gotten, how thin they have gotten, how dark they are, how strangely they act in public. You have every right to judge. You are, after all, perfect.


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