to Make Yourself One of the 10 Most Annoying People
The Mint Foot Eater
In order to achieve this label, one will have to ensure
that they always manage to put their foot squarely in the
mouth. This requires an immeasurable degree of tactlessness.
Always make sure you say the wrong thing to the wrong person.
Make sure that there are other people around to witness
your faux pas, so that the gathering that you are at will
inevitably be punctured by awkward silences. And please,
KEEP TALKING, because the less you say, the less chance
you will have of shoving your mint tasting foot in your
The Relentless Talker
In order to be a successful relentless talker, one must
remember that, when a person asks you how you are, it automatically
means that you must divulge your entire personal life history.
Topics can range from scary places in your body that you
have found boils, to how heartbroken you are that your ex
has left you for your best friend. Spare no details. Keep
a look-out and be on the prowl for victims who are destined
to hear you talk for hours on end without even pausing to
take a breath. Approximate talking time per person: one-hour
minimum, non-stop, without interruption.
The Unpredictable Tantrum-er
The qualification for this person is simple: please have
no control over your temper whatsoever. Cause Scenes, get
angry, shout abuses… in fact throw things and break things.
These are all integral things to do in order to win this
title. Not much to it, really. Once in a while, punch or
slap people to prove a point.
Every crowd must inevitably have a person who fits this
description. As a poser, remember that you have full power
and authority to make up complete lies about yourself Remember,
never let a camera catch you in a candid position. You must
always be on the guard and be completely obsessed with (and
therefore living your life according to) what other people
think of you. It is integral that you sit with the so-called
most important people all the time, resulting in everyone
thinking you are important too. Remember, if you cannot
pose, you cannot live.
The Obnoxious Factor
This person's job is basically to make sure that everyone
present is insulted and torn to bits. Leave no holds barred
in this, make sure you dig deep and find the most horrible
and personal thing you can find about someone (usually family,
or physical appearance are favourites), and let it rip.
It's always a pleasure to have someone around to ruin someone
else's day. Make sure you get as rude and obnoxious as you
The Insufferable Know-It-All
It is integral for this person to always put their two cents
in and make everyone else feel like an idiot for not knowing
everything. Look down on quieter people who don't say much
because they obviously do not know any better. Make sure
that you always have the answer to everything, and give
your opinion when it is not needed. After all, nobody knows
more about everything than you.
The Nosy Parker
For this position one must always keep their eyes and ears
peeled for new gossip. Remember, everybody's business is
your business. As a result, you have every God-given right
to comment on everything and give people unwanted advice.
It is important that you have good prying skills.
The WHOLE WORLD IS AGAINST YOU! (That's all you need to
know). Act accordingly. Recommended: Whiny, nasal voice.
Don't forget to feel sorry for yourself and let the whole
world know. Remember: everything is about you. You are the
The Drama Queen/King
This person has a hard job. They basically have to treat
every day and every encounter as if they were in a Hindi
movie, lots of tears, shouting, irrational loves and hates--
the works! Please make every little issue into a national
debate. Popular methods are hypochondria, moodiness, and
random flare-ups for no good reason. Your flair for drama
is the key--let it go haywire!
The Judgmental Look-Down-Uponer
This is a key position to be in when you consider yourself
better and superior to other people. Remember, everyone
should be criticised because you, of course, are perfect,
and therefore have the right to tell everyone how shabbily
they are handling their every day lives in comparison to
you. Bring up topics such as how religious one should be,
what they are wearing, how they talk, how they eat, how
fat they have gotten, how thin they have gotten, how dark
they are, how strangely they act in public. You have every
right to judge. You are, after all, perfect.