Bonding with in-laws
Marriage is the union of two souls, but in our culture, it is the coming together of two families too. While it is very essential to have compatibility between the partners, it is also mandatory that they share respect and responsibilities towards their in-laws. But often we see that the responsibilities are imposed on the wife only, who not only has to compromise at every step after leaving her father's house, but also has to take the initiative to make every relationship successful. When the pressure befalls her, she can only expect the husband to be understanding and compassionate because only the better half can become the bridge that connects you to your in-laws, and supports you to fight every battle with peace. But what happens when there is no bridge?
Due to generation gap, priorities have changed and so has the ways of doing things. Things are not done the way they used to be and choices vary to a great extent. Having in-laws are mostly enjoyed by the children who are pampered and given the share of affection and memories of their grandparents, but there are drawbacks too.
When a girl is married she dreams of doing things her way, from the interior décor to the lifestyle, she hopes to give a personal touch to every corner of the house. But to make a bridge between the choices of the generations is what seems to be riotous, and the elders often seem to express their inconvenience.
They have memories attached to every piece of furniture, and it is not easy to let go at this age, sometimes not even their son.
Apart from simple matters like that, there are times they would want to decide which career should suit you better to even when you should take your baby. Most of the women have also experienced their mother-in-laws' witheringly critical remarks on how the daughter-in-law is failing to bring up her child properly. After getting bitter criticisms there comes a point when one tends to lose interest to impress or compromise. And that is when the real rifts begin.
In such cases, the in-laws should be more compassionate towards the new member of the family. The new couple needs space and time together. Let them go out and enjoy their life, and suggest options to help them, but do not impose decisions on them. It is important to understand that the new generation also needs to learn, even at the expense of making mistakes.
In-laws are a second pair of parents you get blessed with, and no matter what, they have made your soulmate who he is. Give them priority so they do not feel insecure about their importance. Ask them for help, include them in daily activities and ask for suggestions. Ask them what they used to do to bring their children up. If you have a better technique, introduce your idea to them. The guessing game only creates distance and misunderstanding, and so things have to be clearly explained, because when we were young our parents had to explain everything to us in detail for us to know. If you disagree with your in-laws then be firm and expressive about your likes and preferences so they just don't assume that you don't know. Be warm enough to melt them.
If you live separately and your in-laws give you a frequent or irregular visit, then take good care of them. Occasionally gift them something you think they would like, and talk to them about topics that would render closeness.
There will always be rifts in every relationship- parents, siblings, children, husband and in-laws. It has to be sorted out and an act of maturity from both can bring forth peace. In the end, you have to do it, you have to get things done, and you have to fix it all, so do it with a smile.
By Sonya Soheli
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