Creative Resume Writing
It's a dog eat dog world out there and jobs are hard to come by. Employers are becoming increasingly picky about choosing candidates. Candidates meanwhile are becoming increasingly creative when writing their resumes.
Creativity is at its best when writing about one's work experience. It is here that the art of embellishment is displayed the most. 'Actively participated in meetings' could actually mean that the person attended mandatory briefings and actively participated in doodling, playing Candy Crush or napping. 'Was in charge of Security in the University Dining Services' refers to the time the person sat on a chair near the food stalls to make sure the kids didn't run off with the utensils. 'Vigorously and successfully participated in Youth Leadership Conference' says the CV. Yeah sure, vigorously met some cute girls and successfully managed to get their numbers.
But then there are those who try to be too truthful or too smart (actually are just plain stupid). A candidate wrote under 'Hobbies' – “getting drunk every night down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot” and for 'Why interested in Position': “to keep my parole officer from putting me back in jail.” At least he would get 100 points for honesty.
Sometimes the employer is just puzzled by certain things stated by the prospective candidate pertaining to previous job positions. “My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers” says one resume while another states that the summer 2000 was spent in voluntary work “taking care of the elderly and vegetable people”. Sometimes the claims are downright misleading: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”
Being too truthful in a resume could also land one in worse situations than mere unemployment especially if someone states under 'Hobbies': “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians” or “Service for old man to check they are still alive or not” as part of one's job experience.
It's important to state one's skills in a resume – in many CVs people state they have excellent communication skills which really could mean that they spend most of their time in the office canteen but who would know that, right? This may be said more emotively – “I have a PhD in human feelings” or “I have extensive experience with foreign accents” or “I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut.” The last skill however, may be quite important to some employers, especially if they are mobsters, intelligence agency recruiters or rich people who live double or even triple lives.
Skills that have nothing to do with the position that the candidate is vying for will not help in getting recruited. A web designer for instance who under 'job related skills' states that he can “function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet” is honestly just wasting people's time. When someone says they are fluent in Hindi it may just mean they spend several hours each night watching Sony and Zee TV.
One thing that employers cannot tolerate (unless they are poor spellers themselves) is a resume that has typos or incorrect use of words. Saying 'I am good with the pubic' or that one is fluent in 'Spinach' will not only put off the prospective employer who has to endure reading such disturbing information, he/she may actually call up other employers to make sure the duffer has zero chance of getting employed elsewhere. When a candidate writes as his career objective: 'Intended to work, learn and obtain a suitable position in your organisation…' it is uncertain as to what his 'intentions' are right now – does he still intend to work and learn or not?
These are some examples of what not to write in resumes. The best CV is one that is short, to the point, relevant, fairly verifiable and has references that do not include one's mother. If you are aspiring to be a student cadre don't write about your Golden GPA or debating awards, emphasise your hall capturing, shooting, running and hiding skills, state your objective as 'to create as much mayhem as possible on campus' and your career goal as 'to go up the ranks through extortion and tender manipulation'. Reference should include names like: Kan Kata Munna and Chapati Chunnu Bhai. Of course they must be verifiable.
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